This is a guest post by Emma Sutton, who has recently published her adoption story, And Then There Were Four. The book joins Emma meeting her husband at a Ceroc class, and follows them through infertility, the adoption process, introductions and beyond! Here she talks about how she finds writing to be a form of self-care.
Blogging is my number one self-care activity
There is something about being able to express myself, openly, honestly, warts-and-all that makes writing and blogging my favourite form of self-care.
It might be online, it might be under 140 characters, it might be long and involved as a blog post or on my Facebook page, it might be secretly in my diary, but I write nearly every day.
A bit of a moan
I write when I am frustrated – just recently I started a bit of a moan about the division of household chores in my house, juggling working from home on Twitter. It may one day form the basis of a blog post, but it was just something I needed to get out of my system. By sharing it, and listening to the experiences of others, it didn’t fester inside, churning over and over until it grew into a horrible monster that then lashed out at my husband in a big stormy argument. Since he is not on Twitter, I felt able to say what I felt.
Something to work out
I write when I have something to work out in my own head – to try and order my thoughts, make sense of my experiences, to come to a conclusion about something that has happened. There is something about seeing the swirling maelstrom of jumbled thoughts put into sequence on paper that changes my emotional reaction to them. It is like untangling a web of Christmas tree lights and being able to stand back and see the bigger picture.
Too many feelings to handle
I write to blurt out emotion. Sometimes life can feel overwhelming and when I have too many feelings to handle, when it all feels ‘too much’ setting them down on paper is a form of release. At first it all comes out jumbled, like a child telling you about their exciting day, with no form or structure and rather random. Writing acts like an overflow, enabling me to channel excess emotion away and manage being a mum, wife, author, cook, housemaid, chauffeur, PA to two demanding kids and occasionally even being myself.
A new perspective
I write to gain a new perspective on my life or challenges. My sister and I were out walking a few weeks ago and we were pondering the cocktail of tiredness and boredom that leads us to watch too much TV and overeat. We discussed the programme ‘Eat Well For Less’ as an example of TV that’s not terrible but not very uplifting either (unlike for example DIY SOS which has us both reaching for the tissues and feeling inspired at the end of another house rebuild).
When we summed up the programme in a sentence as ‘spending an hour watching a family you have never met have their shopping habits dissected and rebuilt to save them £100 a week on food’, we looked embarrassed and felt sheepish. Then we laughed. We realised we had watched several series of this, so had spent over ten hours of our life watching people spend less on food. Why? Because we had never looked at it from this perspective before. (I may never watch it again.)
‘Blogging is like having a chat’
You might be thinking – what has a conversation got to do with this post? Blogging is a bit like having a chat. Sure, as the writer you are monopolising the conversation somewhat (until you start to get comments), but in my experience, I am a tad one-sided when it comes to conversations anyway, so I am not sure people would notice the difference. And you can always invite someone else to have a blog-o-convo or similar with you, as I did recently with @feelingmumyet and @thenewbytribe (with more in the pipeline). But writing prompts you to converse with your reader, as well as yourself.
More reasons to write
Here are some other reasons to write/ blog:
- It’s an antidote to loneliness (or one strand of it). Since becoming more visible within the adoption community on Twitter and through my blog, I feel more connected and part of something, rather than lonely and isolated. I interact with more people daily now, and that feels good.
- To get support. By sharing our experiences, our struggles, our problems with others, they join in the conversation, whether that is on twitter or our blog. Does it halve the problem by sharing it? It certainly feels more empowering to get ideas, even if it is just ways to jazz up baked beans on toast (which I asked on Twitter recently).
- To express ourselves. As parents and especially as adopters, it is easy to feel that we are constantly censoring our experience and only sharing what our partner, friends, social workers or children want to (or are ready to) hear. Online, we can tell people how it really is, and there is such a relief in being truly and brutally honest about our lives. This is not another Facebook version of our lives, all sanitised and ‘isn’t it wonderful?’ like the over exaggerated hype of a Christmas letter. This is the getting dirty version where we share the tantrums, the two-hour bedtime nightmares, the exploding nappies, the vomit in our mouth type experiences that actually bind us together far more closely than the pretence.
Writing changes me
Sometimes I write things down, knowing that I may never publish them. Because they are too dark, or too personal, or because it might upset others. But the very act of writing changes my future, changes my day, and changes me. Because I am no longer stuck, no longer a hostage of that issue in my head. It comes out of my head and gets turned into a digital black and white sequence of letters and spaces.
One of the best things I have ever done was learn to touch type (nearly 30 years ago) because it helps my fingers keep up with my brain (or nearly). But if you struggle to type, then look at dictation programmes that convert your voice into words – they are amazing now.
And you never know, you might even write a whole book of words, to share just what your life is like with others. I did, and in doing so, I spread love, hope and laughter to people I had never even met.
10 Top tips for writing as self-care
- Don’t think. Don’t judge. Just open a blank document and write (or speak).
- Close your eyes and get in touch with what you are feeling on the inside.
- When you feel ready, start.
- Write as if no-one will ever read it.
- Write from your heart without stopping, without worrying about punctuation and grammar.
- When you have finished (you’ll know when it’s done), save it and close it.
- Read it later whenever you are ready (it might be minutes or months later).
- Publish if you want, or not.
- Tell others about it, or keep it secret.
- Or delete and repeat.
Emma blogs at nibblesandbubbles.co.uk and has recently published her book And Then There Were Four, which details the pass-the-tissue highs and the pass-the-gin lows of creating her family through adoption. It’s available now on Amazon. You can also find her on Twitter (@emmalgsutton) and Facebook (@nibblesandbubbles).
If you enjoyed this, you might also like…
- Why do adopters need to practise self-care?
- 10 easy ways to practise self-care
- A week of self-care, part one
- My free self-care guide
Before you go…
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- You can find me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. I love to talk to fellow adopters.
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