Send me your self-care questions!

Let’s face it, for most of us, self-care is a struggle. It’s so tempting to think of it as an optional extra that it can be hard to prioritise it and make it happen. We sometimes wonder why we should bother with self-care. And when we do it, we wonder if we’re doing it right! We all have self-care questions, challenges and obstacles. So let’s discuss them and work out some solutions.


I’d like to write a post answering your self-care questions and talking about potential solutions. So if there’s something you’d like me to address, please leave your question in the comments below.

  • What are your biggest self-care challenges?
  • What’s one thing you’d like to change right now to give yourself a break?
  • What resource would really help you this week?

I’d love to hear your ideas, questions, and comments. Thanks in advance for your contributions!




  1. Phoebe Carter
    15 November 2017 / 10:14 am

    How do you find time between full time work and parenting two #traumatised young people who can’t be left alone together to visit the gym, have a massage etc?

  2. Niki
    15 November 2017 / 11:06 am

    My way of coping, when I feel overwhelmed, is to withdraw myself and reduce contact with people but then I recognise by doing this I’m missing out on getting support from the few who do kind of ‘get it’ and yet… I feel so vulnerable at these times, and so worried that I will find the contact a drain on my already limited emotional resources, that I stay withdrawn to the extent I find reconnection almost impossible. My own dysfunctional attachment dance, I guess. The thing that usually helps me is to reach out online in therapeutic parenting groups, etc. What could I do instead please? Loooong question!!

    • 15 November 2017 / 12:36 pm

      I LOVE this question and relate to it so much! Thank you!

  3. 16 November 2017 / 8:16 am

    My biggest challenge is caring for myself when I’ve done some rubbish parenting (usually because I’m exhausted) and just want to punish myself.

    Second biggest is not turning to destructive comfort activities – sugar, mindless computer games etc.

    • 16 November 2017 / 8:19 am

      Thanks, Rachel. I’ll make sure I cover those challenges.

  4. A Arnott
    16 November 2017 / 3:25 pm

    Having time to myself when you have a child with attachment issues and who can’t be left with anyone or if they are the fallout is so huge it’s just not worth it.

    • 16 November 2017 / 4:00 pm

      Yes – we often experience post-self-care fallout too. Thanks for the question – I’ll add it to the list. 🙂

  5. 17 November 2017 / 12:28 am

    We find as a group we are POOR at self care. Largely because we are often ‘fire fighting’ the next traumatised young person situation. The people who do better at this book regular facials/ spa’s in their diary. Or they embark on some new learning. Archery, badminton, oil painting, Greek, jive dancing. This seems to help. Booking something in the diary seems a key point to actually doing self care.

    • 17 November 2017 / 1:39 pm

      Yes – I think scheduling it in is really important. And learning something new or taking up a new hobby is a fantastic form of self-care. Thank you!

  6. 17 November 2017 / 2:16 pm

    My self care activities are generally home things bubbly bath, reading, sewing, baking etc.. but how can I do these without interruptions? As soon as I get anything out it’s always can I help, can you teach me … As the children get older there’s also less relaxing time in the evenings before my bedtime so this valuable me time is ebbing away. Thanks

    • 17 November 2017 / 2:23 pm

      Great question. The interruptions thing is an issue here too. I’ll add the solutions we use (with *some* success…) to the Q&A post. Thanks!

  7. Becky Poole
    18 November 2017 / 9:54 am

    Teenage Hormones, & trauma and learning difficulties. Struggling with control, manipulation, and swearing and aggression and triangulation. All previous “curious” pace techs not working. Just greeted with swearing! Im exhausted before day has begun.

  8. Beth
    18 November 2017 / 10:18 am

    I find myself feeling guilty every time I have some time out for myself. After so many years of looking forward to being a parent, I feel like a bit of a failure for then wanting time without her. This means self care time normally leaves me feeling worse rather than better.

  9. Claire
    23 November 2017 / 9:35 am

    We have two boys aged 21 months and 5 years. Having breaks is such an important part of self-care and we have people who are very willing to have our kids (grandparents and friends) while we take a break but we’re reluctant to take them up on their offers. This is because we imagine all the different scenarios which could occur and the ways in which our 5 year old is likely to display extreme behaviour. We know that they’re not as equipped to deal with it as we are in terms of knowing how to react and how to comfort him in situations where things could quickly escalate without the right response from the supervising adult. Our post-adoption support worker advises that we need to just hand the boys over and whatever happens happens, but we feel bad about putting others and the boys in that situation. Any advice about how we can approach it differently so that we’re able to have breaks would really help!

    • 23 November 2017 / 10:23 am

      Great question – thanks. It’s a tricky one, because you won’t relax and enjoy the respite if you’re worrying about the boys and the people caring for them! I’ll address this in the Q&A post.

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