If you’re part of the UK adoption community, you can hardly have failed to notice that this week (16–22 October) is National Adoption Week. The powers that be have decided that an appropriate hashtag with which to publicise the week is #SupportAdoption. They’re encouraging people to use it and to join a Thunderclap (a type of Twitter campaign) to get it trending. I’m unclear about exactly what this hashtag achieves other than that it might cause people to say ‘Oh, Adoption, that’s nice’.
So I propose that adoptive parents respond with a hashtag of our own: #ProvideAdoptionSupport. An actual call to action that asks them to show they mean it.
More than PR
It’s easy to say that you support adoption, but it’s vital to provide adoption support. ‘#SupportAdoption’ is very easy to put on a bumper sticker or a pen to lure in unsuspecting prospective adopters, but proper thoughtful adoption support is what makes a real difference to adoptive families once you’ve signed on the dotted line and all the social workers have stopped their statutory visits. Done properly, it’s a real lifeline, especially when you’ve got real problems such as child-on-parent violence which can lead to the adoption breaking down.Recruit new adopters with honesty about the challenges, not with cute photos and false promises. Click To Tweet
What does it mean to #ProvideAdoptionSupport?
It’s about more than family-finding using cute pictures of children all over TV shows and in the papers. Finding families is just the start.
It’s about remembering the whole family and making sure that the parents are equipped, resourced and supported and given the mental healthcare they need when they have secondary (or primary) trauma as a direct result of caring for their child.
It’s about respecting the people who are on the front line – parents. Adoption support is not just about children’s therapies, it’s about families. It’s not about being told, as we once were by a PASW, that ‘We don’t support parents – this is Children’s Services.’
It’s about seeing all the different types of impact that adoption can have a family, including the financial implications when you have to give up work due to the demands of parenting; the high risk of family breakdown; the inability to have ‘normal’ holidays and to recharge; the damage to your home caused during a child’s frequent violent rages…
So, agencies, please don’t throw around phrases like #SupportAdoption without really thinking through the implications of what you’re saying.
It’s not only about supporting the concept of children being placed in loving families – who wouldn’t be in favour of that? Finding safe places for children to grow up is about long-term support and making sure that the child and the family around them can all thrive as a unit.
A national issueIt's disingenuous for agencies to say they '#SupportAdoption' while it's so difficult to access help. Click To Tweet
It’s disingenuous for adoption agencies to say they ‘#SupportAdoption’ while making it so difficult for families to access the help they need. My own local authority loves a hashtag and a promotional pen but even they would not dispute that our experience of their post-adoption support has been appalling. They have apologised for the worst of it but we are still only clinging on to some semblance of ‘normal’ family life. It’s not sustainable and they know it, yet they still drag their feet in resourcing us properly to care for the children. And it’s not just us – this is a national problem, as the recent media discussions about CPV have highlighted.
What I’d like to see next year
So by all means recruit new adoptive parents and have a week to focus people’s attention on adoption. Of course we still need more adoptive parents. But recruit them with honesty about the challenges, not with cute photos and false promises.
How adopters can help bring change
I think in general, adopters are far better at this social media business than the majority of adoption agencies. We bring authenticity, lived experience, and genuine compassion for each other into the picture. So let’s use our collective voice to raise awareness, help prospective adopters know what the reality is like, and encourage agencies to up their game when it comes to support.
There are a few ways you can do this:
- Join our own Thunderclap – this means your account will join others in sending an automated Tweet like this on Thursday lunchtime. Details are here: thndr.me/qxbuKe.
- Share this post, using the #ProvideAdoptionSupport hashtag. (Sharing links are below.) Maybe tag an adoption agency or two… Or the Prime Minister (@Number10Gov).
- Tweet your own experience of needing your agency to #ProvideAdoptionSupport.
Let’s get the word out that adoption requires support, not just recruitment.
you might also like:
- Advice for Prospective Adopters
- Adoptive Parents and World Mental Health Day
- A limerick for #WorldPoetryDay and #WorldSocialWorkDay
- The Best Exotic Post-Adoption Support
- Rage and Me, the Human Sponge
- Thank God It’s Monday: Adoptive Parenting at the Weekend
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